My Mind’s Oasis: Why I Need A Space Like This

I fear that starting a blog may be the only way to escape what I’ve come to decide is my own. personal. hell. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

Not all at once and not in a dramatic, life-altering way, but slowly, over the course of a few, long years, I stopped recognizing myself.

I used to feel like me…completely, confidently, and unapologetically. And now, I barely remember that girl at all.

Losing my sense of identity hasn’t just been confusing and uncomfortable, it has been devastating. It has affected every aspect of my life.

It has reactivated all of these things I worked so hard to rid myself of from my teenage struggles. Depression, anxiety, and a level of hopelessness I haven’t experienced since high school. My OCD, something I had finally gotten a tight grip on, has slowly taken over my thinking again in a way that feels constant and exhausting.

Without an outlet, it got louder.

And louder…

Until it got impossible to ignore.

I haven’t always felt like this, obviously, that’s how I recognize the changes now.

Growing up, through my childhood and into my early 20’s, I wrote constantly. It was my outlet, my release, my way of organizing my chaotic thoughts. And, through that, I had healed.

For years, I truly believed I had overcome my negativity, my depression, and even my OCD (although it was undiagnosed at the time). I was positive. I was grounded, I felt healthy inside and out. Things were absolute perfection.

And that version of me lasted for a long time.

Then life shifted.

When Everything Started to Shift

I got a corporate job. A “big girl job”, if you will.

At first, it felt like growth. Like maturity. Like I was stepping into something bigger. It didn’t happen overnight. The draining of my uniqueness and personality took time, it actually took over 5 years before I started noticing that something in me was changing.

Before I even noticed it as a red flag, I became a mom. The happiest upgrade of my entire life.

Through all of the love I was giving to my perfect baby, I neglected myself. Somewhere in the transitions, I stopped focusing on myself completely.

My creativity disappeared in my dull corporate office and my identity was lost when I unconsciously neglected myself while fiercely loving my daughter. I stopped doing the things that made me feel like me, and over time, I have become someone I don’t fully recognize anymore.

The Quiet Influence of Social Media

Around the same time, in the midst of these life milestones, I developed an unhealthy relationship with social media.

Not in an obvious way, but in a quiet, subconscious one.

I became consumed with wanting to look perfect. Wanting my life to look like what I was constantly seeing online. And for a long time, I didn’t even realize this was happening.

But once I did, I knew I had to push back before I let it take away the last bit of myself that I could still feel inside of me. My confidence has always kept me grounded and I knew I would never let something like social media take that from me.

So many people around me, without even knowing it, have subconsciously slipped and fallen into this rut.

The Question That Changed Everything

Recently, I had to ask myself a hard question:

How do I get back to who I am to the core of my being?

Back to the version of me who didn’t give a shit what anyone thought because I was so grounded in who I was that it didn’t matter.

So…I started thinking about my childhood.

My roots.

And that’s when it hit me…

I need to write.

Starting this blog didn’t happen impulsively; it had been forming quietly for years. I wrote a little more about that here.

Writing has always been more than just a hobby for me. It has been therapy, a creative outlet, and an escape from my mind.

Why Writing Matters to Me:

• It’s how I process
• It’s how I heal
• It’s how I grow
• It’s how I reconnect with myself

Without it, I feel lost in my own mind. With it, I feel creativity, clarity, and peace.

This blog is my comeback.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I have doubts.

There’s a part of me that wonders if this version of me, the one that feels lost and disconnected, is permanent. If I’ve let myself get too far from who I used to be to ever fully get back.

That thought alone is one of the hardest things to sit with. That is my personal hell…never getting my passion for life back.

But this space, this is my attempt to turn this all around.

This blog is my Hail Mary. My power move to reclaim something I refuse to believe is gone forever.

A place where I can be honest about the things people don’t usually admit. The quiet struggles. The identity shifts. The vulnerability. The pressure of trying to keep it together instead of crashing out every day.

I’m hoping that through writing, I can find my way back to myself.

And maybe, along the road, I’ll also find people to connect with who may relate and benefit from my ramblings. As I’ve lost myself, I have also lost something that has always given me life…connection. For the first time ever, I have found it extremely difficult to connect with people on a nonsurface level.

This isn’t just about me.

If I don’t figure this out, I think about the long-term repercussions.

For my family.

For my children.

For my friendships.

For my overall quality of life.

I don’t want to live disconnected from myself.

I don’t want to exist in a version of life that doesn’t feel authentic or real.

So this is where I start. Not perfectly, not with all the answers, but honesty and vulnerably.

Working to get back to a simpler life that I miss dearly.

Carefree simplicity rather than stressful complexity.

It’s about time that I start doing things I love again and searching for the me that I left behind in the chaos of growing up, becoming a mom, and being victimized by a schedule that controls me. It is about time I relearn my childhood passions, grow how I want to grow, and find ways to keep the light inside of me that used to shine so brightly. It’s been too dark lately.

This is my mind’s oasis and I am ready to rediscover myself.

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